Journal? Are you there? It's me, Cory
by lea-monteith
Summary: First FanFic of mine! : . Cory has some very strong feelings for one of his leading ladies. Where should he let them out, why no other than his journal.
1. Chapter 1

Dear Journal,

I know it's kind of weird for a 29-year old man to be writing in a journal, but I need to get this out somehow. You see, I love this girl. This amazing girl. Her name is Lea Safarti Michele. Even writing her name gives me the chills. She's amazing and flawless. She's the most amazing girl I've ever met in my life. We've known each other for about two years. We play the two main characters on a hit-show named "Glee." In the show our relationship has been on and off throughout the seasons. Our characters, Finn and Rachel, always seemed to love each other in the end no matter what. This situation being the complete opposite of our real life situation. Lea is dating a guy named Theo Stockman. I've met him a couple of times; I think he's a cool guy. I'm just insanely jealous of him. He gets to kiss her and touch her whenever he pleases because he's her boyfriend. How I ache for it to be the same way between us. The only time I get to touch and kiss his like he does is when it's written in our script. We're best friends off screen. I try to make her feel as safe and protected as I can when she isn't with Theo. I just wish to kiss her whenever I feel like and become her boyfriend. Oh shit! Someone's knocking at my apartment door. It's probably her for our weekly movie night. She needs someone to watch "Funny Girl" with her. Thanks for listening.

-Cory


	2. Chapter 2

**_Sorry for typo last chapter, Lea Michele's full name is actually __**Lea Michele Safarti**_

Dear Journal,

She noticed. She noticed I wasn't the same tonight. From the moment I walked in she noticed that I was distant. I told her I was just tired from shooting Glee earlier. The whole night was normal except for me being distant. She came in with Chinese takeout and _Funny Girl_ in her hand. I greeted her with the biggest smile and hug. As we sat on the couch to begin watching the movie my thoughts started to go elsewhere. She began to come closer to me and snuggle into my chest. She looked up just as I was staring into the distance. "Is everything okay Cor?" she asked. I nodded my head and she went back to the movie. In the middle of her favorite scene, the one where Barbara sings "Don't Rain on My Parade," he phone rang. I glanced at the caller ID. **Theo 3**, it said. I rolled my eyes as she answered it. They went on talking for 5 minutes. When she sat back down she told me Theo just wanted to say goodnight from New York. As I looked at her closely she seemed upset and distraught. Theo just gets me angry when he gets her upset. I took her in my arms and squeezed her tight as she drifted to sleep. When the movie ended I woke her up and I did something that I really shouldn't have done. I kissed her.

-Cory


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Journal,

I don't know why in hell I kissed her. But I did. It was an impulse move. After I kissed her she looked up at me with those big brown eyes and asked quietly, "Why?" I released her from my hug and mentally beat myself up for kissing her. "Cory what's wrong," she asked. I shook my head and threw myself on the couch. "I shouldn't have kissed you," I responded, "It's gonna ruin our whole friendship, and… and….GOD DAMN WHY DID I KISS YOU?" She sat next to me on couch and wrapped her tiny arms around me. "It's okay Cor," she said as she kissed my cheek. She got up and left. As she left I wondered how she felt about this whole thing. Did she like my kiss? Did she think I was a good kisser? Wait, scratch that last question. I'm an awesome kisser, she loved it. Shit what was that buzzing. Wait, it's just my phone. It's a message. From her. _Cor I just want to let you know that kiss was nice. We'll talk about it more tomorrow xoxo Lea. _She liked my kiss. She liked it. I am so freaking happy right now. I'm not gonna be able to sleep tonight, I wonder what she'll say. Again, thanks for listening.

-Cory


	4. Chapter 4

Dear Journal,

I just came back from talking with her. We met for lunch. She didn't seem upset at all. She actually she seemed happy. She greeted me with the biggest hug she could give me with her tiny arms. She smiled at me sweetly and asked why I kissed her. A million words zoomed through my head. My true feelings wanted to come out, right then and there. But I couldn't, she has a boyfriend. She doesn't feel the same way. She's going to think I'm weird. But of course, me being the fearless bastard that I am admitted them. "I love you so much Lea. I have ever since I met you, I just can't hide my true feelings anymore. They can't stay hidden," I admitted. She looked at me stunned. "Is that why you kissed me," she asked. "Well that's a partial reason. Theo also made you upset so I wanted to make you feel better. I wanted to hug you but the kiss just came on and…" I trailed off. She unexpectedly leaned in and kissed me. I looked confused. "Theo broke up with me last night, I didn't want to tell you because we were having a great time," she confessed. I smiled and held her hand, "I'm here for you and I just want to let you know that I truly care about you." She kissed me on the cheek and nodded. The lunch was kind of quiet after that and we kept on smiling at each other. When we paid and started to walk out she stopped and said, "I love you too," and kissed me. As she walked to her car I was smiling like an idiot and I texted her: _That's great to know. Meet for dinner tomorrow? –Cor. _So it's final. She loves me and I love her. This was such a whirlwind. I never knew she would love me as much as I love her. I mean come on, why would such an amazing girl like her like a tall, awkward guy like me. She deserves Theo, he's so much better. Oh fuck, did I break them up. Did she tell him about our friendship and he took it wrong. Fuck. Fuck. I ruined her. She loved Theo. They were perfect. Now they're broken up and she loves me. She probably doesn't even love him she probably just said that so she wouldn't hurt me. She can't hurt a fly, and she doesn't want to hurt me. She doesn't actually love me. Fuck. I feel like an idiot. Why did I say I love her? That literally was the biggest mistake of my life. Fuck Cor, look at your life look at your choices. You guilted her into loving you. I should have just kept it on screen and not try to make this a real thing. She's better with Theo and I'm going to tell her to be with him at dinner tomorrow. Alright.

-Cory


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Sorry I haven't updated since like July but I was super busy in the summer from camp, and then school came and I got super stressed. I'll try & update as often as possible. Thanks for reading! Also the chapters will get longer! Enjoy! :)**

Dear Journal,

I hate how I second guess myself like that. I really shouldn't have. After days of ignoring Lea's calls and texts and trying to avoid her on the set she finally caught me. She caught me and hugged me. I replied with a blank look and she looked at me with sad brown eyes and asked me what was wrong. I walked away and she scurried to get ahead of me and block my 6 foot 4 body with her petite 5 foot 2 body. But with her, if she wants something to happen it will happen. That's what I love about her. Fuck Cory! Stop saying you love her, you shouldn't. So anyway, she stopped me and straight up asked, "What the fuck is wrong with you?" I rolled my eyes and again tried to walk and once again she blocked my path. "Cory, talk to me," she said, "I want to help you with whatever you're going through. Remeber? _I love you._" She whispered that last part so softly it made me want to kiss her right there and then. I realized I had to tell her what was wrong, "Lea, I know you don't love me. I know you love Theo. I know you were lying and said that you guys broke up just so I wasn't upset. Lea you don't have to lie anymore. I'm not in love with you anymore and I know you were never in love with me." Her eyes filled with tears and then rage. "Cory Allan Monteith," she said forcefully, "You listen to me and you listen good. I, Lea Michele Sarfati, love YOU, Cory Allan Monteith. I don't care if you like it but you're gonna have to deal with it. Do you hear me?" I nodded ferociously. "Now I'm not leaving until you say something to me," she said that as she crossed her arms and started tapping her foot. My mind raced with what I should say to her. Should I ask her something? Say that I do love her? Or just stand there in silence until she gives up? I decided to go with my gut. "Did you love Theo," I asked. She looked at me confused, "What?" I repeated the question, "Did you love Theo?" She shook her head that represented a no. "I was friends with him and i dated him because I thought we would be a good match. I thought I was in love but I realized I wasn't. It was because of you. When I met you I saw what love is really liked. I had actually fallen in love. I didn't want to break up with Theo because my career was just getting started and I didn't want all the drama of the tabloids saying **LEA MICHELE AND HER BOYFRIEND BREAKUP! **or **'GLEE' STAR HEARTBROKEN DAMAGES HER SINGING**. I just wanted to keep a clean tabloid rep until my career was in a good place. But then when you kissed me, I realized what true love was." As she looked up she saw that I was close to crying and I saw tears forming in her beautiful eyes. I took her in my arms and I just held her. I took her little face in my big hands and I just kissed her. As we pulled back I softly whispered on her lips, "_I love you._" Wow. I just love her so much. I can't believe I'm the one who showed her true love. It feels like...well, it feels..._awesome._ We're in love. Together. It's a mutual feeling. Not just me loving her anymore. Wow. This is amazing. I love Lea Michele and Lea Michele loves me. Wow.

-Cory


End file.
